If There's Something Left to Lose

Since defeating the roaming clan of orcs that had been wiping out halfling farming villages outside of Bredensford, we've been staying temporarily in one of the remaining villages. It's been pretty weird to be in the company of halflings. I actually feel tall for once! Sort of.
Quirky has been in bad shape since we fought the orcs. They got a few lucky shots at him, and he got hurt pretty badly. It was really unnerving to see him so injured. I know he always insists he'll be fine, and I'm sure he will, but it still doesn't make it any easier to take.
I feel so helpless. Quirky is so great at healing, and he's always there to protect us, but when he gets hurt, there's so little anyone can do, especially me. I feel like I can never return the favor.
This morning after breakfast, Quirky excused himself and wandered off. As I was walking past our room in the common hall, I heard him speaking to someone. I know it's not right to spy on him like that, but I couldn't help it. I had to listen in. I couldn't hear any voice but Quirky's, but he sounded serious. He said he wasn't telling us about something, and sounded as if he were asking this mystery person a favor they didn't seem willing to do. When Quirky ended his conversation, I managed to just duck out of sight in time to avoid being seen. When I searched our room, I found nothing out of the ordinary, just a scratch on the mirror, but that could have always been there I suppose.
Quirky must have been looking for me, because he came back into the room calling my name, and I couldn't hide in time. I felt a little ashamed for sneaking around, but I also felt a little betrayed. How could he still be keeping secrets from me after I begged him for total honesty? I confronted him, and he asked if I'd been listening. I told him yes. Quirky said he hadn't thought that this particular issue was pertinent to our relationship, but what he said next made me wonder why he had thought so.
Quirky told me that he was making arrangements so that I would be provided for in the event that something should happen to him. If I should die, he explained, he could bring me back, traumatic though it might be. Our connection, our love, he hoped would be enough to make my soul return to my body. However, if he should die, things would be more difficult. It's the price he pays for being able to wield divine magic, apparently. He wanted to think wanting to be with me still would be enough, but that it would be complicated.
I was a little shocked by this thought. Quirky said he had been attempting to call in a favor with a "work associate" of his, but he hoped he would never have to test his theory. He hadn't wanted to tell me about it because he didn't want me to worry, but obviously it was a little late for that.
I swore I would protect him, no matter what. I would never let him die, if there was anything I could do to prevent it. I don't think I could manage this life anymore if Quirky left it without me. He held me close and tried to reassure me, but it's still there in the back of my mind.
Afterwords, we went to the feast the halflings had prepared in our honor. I did my best to hide my worry from the others, and tried to enjoy myself. There's no reason for anyone else to worry about either of us, and unfair for me to burden them with something between Quirky and me.
Besides, halflings throw an unquestionably good party. How can I resist good food and good company? Rowan and I have each set a platinum against the possibility of Grumble being able to not only pet Nialia in wolf form, but to do such a good job that she begins to tap her foot in ecstasy! He'll never pull it off without losing a valuable limb, but he seems set on trying!
We also had a chance to speak with Elder Joram about the villages' relationships with the barony. From what he says, I see no reason why the Baron should be behind the Orc attacks. Perhaps it is Lieutenant Shella who is misusing the Baron's good name? Either that, or someone is putting the Baron up to it. Maybe I am trying to read too much into it. I can't imagine how someone could order such awful acts against innocent people, but life has recently pointed out to me how innocent my world view is, and how easily I can be taken in.
Perhaps I should blame Malick for teaching me to expect the best from those around me. Perhaps not. Maybe it is just the way I have always been. Sometimes I think I would be hurt much less if I took a more cynical view, but I feel like I would be losing a valuable part of myself if I gave in to such things.
I've noticed that seeing these evil things has disturbed Quirky as well. It seems strange to me that Shadowspawn would be so affected, but maybe Quirky has been impersonating a cleric of Pelor a little too long? I don't know. I still feel there is a lot I don't understand about him, but I'm not sure it's my place to ask such things of him. I should feel grateful that he's been even this honest with me, I suppose. Sometimes it feels like there are six worlds between us, even when nothing more than a breath separates us. I wonder if that feeling will ever change?