I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you

Ok, in just a few days my world has been turned on its head not once, but twice.
Shortly after Quirky confessed his secret to the rest of the party, I began to calm myself a little. It took all the strength I had left, but I felt like I had to. As my head cleared some, things started falling in place. I realized that the gargoyle that had attacked me had been the same one that Quirky had told me about that night we were playing that game with each other. The one he'd raised, and said he had to let go.
I was suddenly struck with this horrible guilt. That terrifying creature had probably been Quirky's only semblance of family, and he had killed it because it had threatened me. Because I had been too dimwitted to just dodge. If I learned one thing from the badgers that taught me, it was dodge and gain the upper hand. How could I have been so careless? I let my emotions get the better of me, and I could have died because of it.
At that point, I was feeling pretty bad. I was wishing Quirky had just let her kill me. Then I wouldn't be in so much pain, and he wouldn't have had to make a choice like that. I had to tell him how sorry I was, but part of me was afraid he wouldn't even want me near him. I could hear him singing a song in elvish. It broke my heart to hear such pain in his voice. I had to try, so I waited an hour and then wandered off after him, telling the others I didn't want to be followed.
I found Quirky standing with his back to me. There was a grave stone there for
Grayle. I don't think anyone could have said anything nice about a gargoyle, but if it was possible, Quirky pulled it off. I called to him, and there was no response. I fell to my knees and bowed my head. I wasn't sure I wanted to see what look was on his face when he turned around. I called to him again and he appeared, on his knees as well, in front of me.
I begged him to forgive me. I had never wanted that to happen. I hadn't meant to cause him such pain. It was all my fault, and I had truly never felt so sorry. I would understand if he wanted me to just leave him alone. He didn't.
Quirky apologized to me, and said while he wished it could have gone any other way, he wouldn't have wanted me to die up there. I was grateful for that, but still felt the pain of his earlier confession. Something had been nagging me since I started questioning him earlier, but Grayle had interrupted before I could get my answer.
I told Quirky I needed him to be honest with me. I had to be able to piece my heart back together, but I couldn't do it if he was just going to be springing more secrets on me later. I begged him to tell me everything, and hold nothing back. In the hour I waited for him, I had decided I would forgive him everything. I loved him, and I didn't want to stop just because of his past. All I asked was that he get it all over with at once.
Then, Quirky noticed Grumble was spying on us. I could have strangled him. I realize he cares for me, but the dwarf has no sense of respect or privacy. Like Quirky meant me any harm! I swear, he should just sit down and think before acting for once. It would really help. Quirky managed to get us about 20 minutes of alone time, and Grumble sulked off with a wary look towards Quirky. Then we got back to the business at hand.
He asked me why I fell in love with him. I told him, and he asked if that all would have been the case if he had been any other race. I was a little stunned. That's one of those things that no one can know the answer to, though I know some Gnomes who set their lives to trying to do just that. I told Quirky I could never be sure what kind of difference that would have made, just that things had gone the way they'd gone and I was in love with him because of that.
It turns out, Quirky is a shape shifter, not a real gnome. Heh. I suppose I should have guessed, maybe, I don't know. For some reason, though, that hardly upset me. It hurt so much less than finding out he had been sent to kill me. I laughed. Out of all the things I had been preparing myself to hear, that was easy to forgive. He said that was pretty much the only remaining thing he hadn't told me. What a relief. So I forgave him. "Roywyn Ellybelle Badger Goodlock Turen," he said. "I love you." If I could only have one moment to relive, I think it might be that one. I have never been more fond of hearing any of my names than I was in that moment.
Then I realized that part of the pain in my gut was not all due to heartbreak, but to the bleeding clawmarks Grayle had left in me. Quirky put his hand on my stomach and healed me, then pulled me close to him. I could have happily sat there like that for a king's age, but I knew the others would start to worry so we grudgingly returned to camp.
I tried to find sleep after that, but I only found nightmares instead. Grayle's horrible face and penetrating eyes burning into me, up on that branch. Accusing me of stealing Quirky from her, digging her claws into me. I woke in a cold sweat having tried to scream in my sleep, every night we were on the road. We ended up stopping off in Brendensford. It seems the outlying villages of the barony were being burned to the ground, all the people massacred. The baron requested our help, and we agreed.
The night before we set out, we stayed in an inn in town. After everyone else had gone to bed, Quirky and I sat up drinking and talking. I wanted so badly to kiss him, or for him to kiss me, but I didn't want to be forward about it. I'm no good at this love thing. If my friends had been there they would have laughed to see me so afflicted. I just couldn't think of anything to do, so I tried batting my eyelashes and moving in a little closer, but it didn't work. Gods, how awkward! I had also been looking forward to maybe sharing a bed with him, but again I was a little loath to say anything. So I mentioned the fact we had gotten so many rooms, and Quirky mentioned his was less than satisfactory. I don't know why I didn't immediately jump at that excuse, but I think the drinks were maybe fogging my thoughts...
Either way, we finally decided he should stay with me in mine. He went to get his things, and I went to change. I was so excited but so nervous! I dug through my bag until I found my nightgown. I usually just sleep in my tunic, but, well, circumstances being what they were, I figured something nicer was in order. Thankfully I had packed it! I'm not sure I ever figured I would use it, but I'm glad I brought it. Quirky knocked and I had to stop from flying to the door. He came in and sat down by the fire. He looked nervous. I sat next to him and all I could think was "Gods! Kiss him, Badger! What are you waiting for???" I just couldn't do it. I've never kissed anyone before. I was afraid to miss, or be terrible at it. I know I embarrass myself regularly in front of Quirky, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to make a move. After a moment, I gave up and decided to just try for some sleep. Maybe I'd have more courage in the morning. As I turned to go, Quirky grabbed my hand and pulled me back to face him, pulling my face into his shoulder. It hurt, but it was so funny. Quirky looked upset, but far be it from ME to hold clumsiness against anyone else! I let him have his second chance, and he managed to kiss me that time. I could have died a happy, happy gnome in that moment.
Quirky mentioned that he really didn't feel like sleeping in the wardrobe, and I was glad, because I didn't want him there, either. Then I realized what was probably going to happen next, and I had to admit to Quirky that I had never...um...yeah...
Turns out, he hadn't either, but since when has that ever stopped anyone? Let's just say that despite everything, Quirky managed to succeed at making me forget everything that had been said between us, and anything else that didn't belong in that moment. For the first night in a long while, I had no nightmares, and slept like I hadn't slept my whole life. Waking up next to him the next morning was yet another one of those moments I would like to pick to relive for all of eternity. Well, maybe I should extend that to include all of that previous night, as well!
We came downstairs separately that morning in an attempt to make it look like nothing out of the ordinary had happened that night. I wonder if anyone was fooled? Grumble must have been, because I think he would have hit the roof otherwise.
I don't think I would have cared if he had, though. I think I am well on my way to putting my heart back together. I hope that Quirky will always be by my side, because in this moment, I can't actually believe my life was real before I met him. He may not actually be a gnome, or a cleric, but I don't care. It has been made clear to me on many occasions that my life was never meant to be the same as other gnomes. I think Elder Glitterheart knew that when he gave me my special name that night back home.
"I give to you the name Lunhedia," he smiled at me. "Beloved Mystery. You were meant for something many gnomes will never dream of, and I know someday you will figure out just what that is. Until then, you are the precious mystery in the hearts of all who love you."
I wonder if he knew just how strange my life would become after I left home?

Everything I Meant to You

I narrowly escaped having my heart clawed from my chest by an enraged gargoyle. Funny, it still feels as if it had been anyway.
I've been doing my best to hide my true feelings from Quirky, determined not to ruin the friendship I have with him. I would rather keep a secret and stay close to him, than tell the truth and risk losing him. It had been hard, but with Father Tilok's words I was able to at least not feel guilty anymore. While not a permanent solution, I felt like it was holding well for the time being.
Then I took second watch last night.
Quirky whispered to me. I hadn't thought he was awake, but he was. He wanted to talk. I was grateful for his company, and glad to have a moment that was at least somewhat alone with him.
After an awkward time, he confessed that he had feelings for me, that he had never met anyone like me. I thought my heart would burst, I was so surprised and happy. Then he said he hadn't been honest with me, he got even quieter. I knew he had some secret he wasn't telling me, he had told me earlier he hoped I always just thought of him as I know him now, and not find out about his past. I wasn't expecting to hear what he told me. I'm not sure his words went into my ears so much as they pierced my heart like a dagger of pure ice, tipped in poison for good measure. He said the first assassin he had told me about several nights before was him. He had been hired by the von Hawkmoor family to kill Grumble and me. He had locked himself in the dungeon, not too long before we arrived there, hoping we would rescue him and take him into our group. He was the one responsible for the horrifying nightmares we had. He had been just waiting for the right moment, until he fell in love with me.
I was utterly horrified. I was so easily taken in. All that time and he had been sent to kill me. He explained that the dark elves who had tried to kill us earlier had been sent to finish the job he could not. He would understand if I wanted him to leave. As awful as his secret was, the thought of watching him turn his back and walk away forever was nearly its equal in pain.
I left it for the morning when I could see his face. I needed time to think. The others, I couldn't even begin to think how they'd react.
When morning came, Quirky was gone. He'd gone to get rabbits for breakfast, looking ever so much like the gnome I thought he was. I ran off. After a small breakdown, I made my decision. I wanted him to stay, at least for now. We all road on in silence. Quirky road ahead with Rowan, and I hung back, gripping Zook's fur and willing myself not to cry, not to scream for all the world to hear. I bit my lip so hard it bled. It was so hard to bear, I thought I might break. I had more questions for Quirky, but they would have to wait until that night so the others wouldn't hear.
When night fell, I took the second watch, though I barely slept through the first. After Grumble fell asleep, I went to the edge of the clearing where Quirky was sleeping and nudged him. How could he betray my trust? I loved him! Was he even a real cleric? A real gnome??
He was not a real cleric, just someone who had learned to steal powers and spells form the gods. He was a real gnome, however, and tiny as it was, my heart breathed a sigh of relief.
"I want to hate you," I told him. "I want to hate you so badly...but I can't. I just can't. I love you." I don't remember what he said, or if he said anything. I just remember he excused himself for a moment, and I promised to be waiting right there. Then the creature came.
It swooped out of the sky, and before I even had a chance to scream, I was wrenched into the sky by the most frightening creature I had ever seen. It took me high into a tree and landed there. I was pinned against the branch, one talon around my neck, one poised to eviscerate my middle. It hissed at me, and I cannot even describe to you the sound because it was at once hideous and beautiful. It accused me of poisoning Quirky's mind, of stealing him from her.
I didn't know what to do, I just tried to stay strong. I snapped back some very empty threats and tried my best to make them sound less empty, as the creature's talons closed more tightly around me. "Perhaps you think your cleric will save you," it spat. About then I heard Quirky call for me below. I called out to him and he lit the sky with a frightening red glow. He looked up, and I couldn't see him very well, but he looked more scared than me. Nialia was close behind him, and Quirky begged her not to make any sudden moves for fear I would be torn apart. Quirky pleaded for the thing to let me go, but it only insisted that I could never love him, understand him, like she did. Slightly more aware of what was transpiring, but terrified that I was watching my last moments play out, I tried to apologize. I hadn't meant any harm to anyone, nor to steal Quirky or turn him against anyone. The creature was furious and hissed:"Do you love him?" To my surprise, I said yes with more confidence that I have said my name on some days. I know in my heart it was the true answer, and I also knew it was the wrong one, if there was ever a chance of one being right.
The creature raised its talon to slash me to ribbons, when Quirky summoned some strange and terrifying energy, and killed it. The force of it all shattered the branch beneath me and I plummeted for the ground. By some magical grace, Grumble threw me a ring, and I managed to catch it and put it on without thinking. My fall slowed, and Rowan caught me. After that, I don't remember much. Just, questions. The truth about Quirky was revealed for all, and I felt sick. I was shaking so hard and sobbing. Then Quirky was gone.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say to Quirky. I'm so hurt and confused, it feels like I may never sort this out. I know I love him, saying so felt so right, as if my heart had been waiting to say so since I was born. I think I forgive him. He's been nothing but a saint since I've known him. He put up with all my jabs and scoffing, and his hand was never far from mine whenever I was in danger. Hearing the truth about him cut me to the quick, and I do feel betrayed, yet when I try to bring up the hate I know I should feel for him, I cannot find any.
I don't know, I don't know!!!
My head feels like it's going to explode, and I think I'm going to be sick.
Did he really mean it when he said he loved me?
I am going to be sick.

Letter to Home

Dear Malick,
I know that it's been ages since you've heard from me, and for that I am truly sorry. I know you had made me promise to write often and keep in touch, but things have been, at the very least, complicated.
I know you of everyone will worry the most, but handle it the best, so I'll tell you what has been happening since I left. You can decide how much to tell Tomlin and Jonlin, and Mom and Dad.
Since the last time I wrote you, it seems that I ran into more trouble. Of course you remember Grumble from my last letter, my dwarf companion. We're still traveling together, but now we have even more companions. Rowan, a half-elf ranger, and Nialia, an elf druid. Rowan has been nearly able to match Grumble for vicious skill on the battlefield, and Nialia, while mysterious, is very kind.
I've now been marked for death twice! Can you believe? And Dad thought I would never make anything of myself as a lockpick! In all seriousness, though, nothing much seems to have come of it yet. I don't think Grumble would let anything bad happen to me, so try not to worry too much.
I'm just now leaving the city of Miel. It's been nice to be in town for a while. The owner of the inn we have been staying at had a special mirror, and graciously allowed me to use it. I thought of you of course, and was able to see you all. I see you have moved to Uncle's old house. For a moment, it brought back fond memories of summers gone by, playing Truth Seeker with you and Tom and Jon. I can't believe that after all this time you still let them cheat you!
I miss you three so much. Mom, too. Is Dad still upset that I betrayed the family name and left? I hadn't meant to make him angry, but I could never be the daughter he had wanted. The beautiful locksmith genius who would launch the name of Turen to new and better heights. That was meant to be you, of course(not the beautiful part, mind you), and I wish he could accept that. You must have come up with so many new and mysterious locks by now! I wish I could still be your tester. It was always fun trying to take down your latest invention.
Before I end this letter, I have one secret to tell. Our party also rescued a gnome cleric of Pelor. His name is Quirky, and he has to be the most amazing gnome I have even known. He's a brilliant healer, and very kind. Cute, too! Ha! There, I said it. I know you're mocking me already, don't lie! Being close to him is almost like being home again. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, though. You know how lucky I am with boys.
In any case, this letter has gone on far too long. I was relieved to see for myself that you are all well. Please try not too miss me too much, and I will try to do so in turn.
All my love to you all. Even Dad.

May Truth always find its way to your heart,

Badger

Chances are it's not the real "It."

I'm so furious I can barely write, but I feel like I have to try. We just spent several days tracking down that massive gem that Rascal got himself into so much trouble with. The ruins were a disaster. Grumble and Quirky nearly died trying, and the rest of us were left in a fairly sad state. We got the gem and escaped with ourselves intact, but it turns out we were in for even more trouble. In the night we were attacked by strange evil elves. Nialia mentioned what they were called, but the specifics escape me for the moment. We managed to defeat them, thankfully.
When we finally made it back to town, we learned that Rascal had tried to escape from the assassins, but had been recaptured. After we made our exchange, the gem for Rascal, Quirky told us that Rascal had double crossed Grumble and me back in Blackreach. After promising that we would get out safely, he told the assassins where to find us!
Also, those evil elves that attacked us on the way back from the ruins were sent by Rascal to kill us in exchange for his freedom. I don't know how Quirky figured it out, and I don't really care at the moment. All I know is that when I heard what he had done, I just wanted to kill him. It was such a sudden urge to tear him apart as painfully as possible, and not hold back. I tried to strangle him to death, but Quirky made me stop. I was crying so hard. I was so mad, and scared. I've never felt that way before, and I hope I never do again. We almost died so that filthy horrible monster could live.
If I ever see him again, I'm going to carve out his treacherous tongue before I kill him.
I need to calm down. I need to think, but I can't. I'm still shaking just a little.
I also went to see Father Tilok today , after everyone else left the temple. I had to ask him about Quirky. I've been slowly realizing that I really like Quirky. I was really scared when he got electrocuted by the Harpie. I don't think I've met a cleverer, nicer gnome. He's pretty cute, too. I just didn't want my feelings for him to get him in trouble with Pelor, or someone else, him being a cleric and all. To my relief, Father Tilok said of course Quirky was allowed to act on whatever feelings he might have. Not that he has any. I mean, for me, of course, not in gen-never mind. I'm such a catastrophe in general. I've just never had any luck with guys, gnomes or otherwise. I don't even know how to really go about...um...I don't know...anything involving guys...
I don't know if I could ever get up the courage to tell Quirky. I'd rather keep it in than make a fool of myself in front of him and the others. At least I don't have to feel guilty for the way I feel.

Seek the Truth in all Things

So, not too far back after we all set out together, we ended up in this old underground fortress that had been overrun by goblins and orcs. As we moved through the fortress, we came upon a dungeon with some prisoners in it. Some were goblins, but there was also a gnome. He turned out to be Quirky Timbers, a cleric of Pelor(kind of weird for a gnome...), and he had been there for a really long time keeping himself alive using his healing spells. We freed him, and since we were in serious need of a cleric, we invited him to join our group.
At first I was excited. Traveling with Grumble for so long, and then the rest of the group, I haven't really had a whole lot of time spent with other gnomes. However, he ended up getting on my nerves a lot. He seemed really cowardly, and not good for much, but I've since had to forgive him for that since he didn't really have any armor, and was all weak and hungry...In short, I was kind of an ass.
Quirky's been with us for a while now, and I think he's starting to grow on me. He's really nice, and I have to appreciate the constant healing. Besides, it's nice to have another gnome to hang out with sometimes. It makes me feel less homesick(and less short!).
The other day, I figured it would be nice to get to know Quirky a little better. I thought, what better way to get to know someone than playing a fun game involving drinks and pranks?
We were having a good time, and I was finally starting to crack through his quiet exterior when Morwyn(the owner of the bar we were staying at in Miel) caught on and played a prank on both of us. THAT was embarrassing. I thought it was Quirky's next prank at first, but...naw, couldn't be. That would be silly.
Sadly, shortly after her embarrassing us the mood was kind of broken, and we both went to bed. I KNOW he's hiding something. At LEAST one something, maybe more. Maybe I'm being suspicious without reason, but I look at him and just get the feeling there is something more to him than he's saying. For some reason or another, he really hates Gristle. I mean, Gristle is a total Giant Killer, and an ass, and nearly got me killed because of his carelessness, but I've caught Quirky giving him these intensely withering stares. I'm not sure why, but I aim to find out.
I feel really bad for Quirky. What little I was able to find out from him made me sad. He was orphaned and raised in a monastery by human servants of Pelor. I can't imagine being a gnome and not being raised in a gnome community. He must have felt like such an outsider, especially not knowing any true family. If I'd have been drunker, I might have cried. Only a little, and I would have made Quirky swear not to tell anyone else. I don't want the others to think I'm any clumsier, weaker, or otherwise unfit than I'm sure they already think I am. It's hard being so small sometimes.
Anyway, looking at Quirky makes me feel something that I can't quite put my finger on. It's weird. I'm sure I'll sort it out once I get the truth from him, but until then I guess it's just one more thing to distract my mind from the tasks at hand.
Speaking of, when we get this jewel back that Gristle stole, he is going to owe me for the next 100 years!