Chances are it's not the real "It."

I'm so furious I can barely write, but I feel like I have to try. We just spent several days tracking down that massive gem that Rascal got himself into so much trouble with. The ruins were a disaster. Grumble and Quirky nearly died trying, and the rest of us were left in a fairly sad state. We got the gem and escaped with ourselves intact, but it turns out we were in for even more trouble. In the night we were attacked by strange evil elves. Nialia mentioned what they were called, but the specifics escape me for the moment. We managed to defeat them, thankfully.
When we finally made it back to town, we learned that Rascal had tried to escape from the assassins, but had been recaptured. After we made our exchange, the gem for Rascal, Quirky told us that Rascal had double crossed Grumble and me back in Blackreach. After promising that we would get out safely, he told the assassins where to find us!
Also, those evil elves that attacked us on the way back from the ruins were sent by Rascal to kill us in exchange for his freedom. I don't know how Quirky figured it out, and I don't really care at the moment. All I know is that when I heard what he had done, I just wanted to kill him. It was such a sudden urge to tear him apart as painfully as possible, and not hold back. I tried to strangle him to death, but Quirky made me stop. I was crying so hard. I was so mad, and scared. I've never felt that way before, and I hope I never do again. We almost died so that filthy horrible monster could live.
If I ever see him again, I'm going to carve out his treacherous tongue before I kill him.
I need to calm down. I need to think, but I can't. I'm still shaking just a little.
I also went to see Father Tilok today , after everyone else left the temple. I had to ask him about Quirky. I've been slowly realizing that I really like Quirky. I was really scared when he got electrocuted by the Harpie. I don't think I've met a cleverer, nicer gnome. He's pretty cute, too. I just didn't want my feelings for him to get him in trouble with Pelor, or someone else, him being a cleric and all. To my relief, Father Tilok said of course Quirky was allowed to act on whatever feelings he might have. Not that he has any. I mean, for me, of course, not in gen-never mind. I'm such a catastrophe in general. I've just never had any luck with guys, gnomes or otherwise. I don't even know how to really go about...um...I don't know...anything involving guys...
I don't know if I could ever get up the courage to tell Quirky. I'd rather keep it in than make a fool of myself in front of him and the others. At least I don't have to feel guilty for the way I feel.